it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
