I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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