i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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