last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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