at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
