Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
