Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
