My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
