I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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