honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
