just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
