Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
