I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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