First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
