You smell like stripper and shame
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
