in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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