this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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