I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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