it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
