You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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