My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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