9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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