found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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