So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everyone says I win the strip club
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
