i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
