I got chris browned last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
