We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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