she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everything about him screamed your future.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize