Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
