yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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