there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
