During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
