The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
