Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize