I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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