this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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