found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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