My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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