Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
