Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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