I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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