that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wish my penis had a tongue
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize