I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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