You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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