Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
