I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize