dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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