I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
