come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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