If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
