it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
