Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
