Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
