Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
