Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
