he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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