Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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