She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
