Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
