Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
