I will die if light touches me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
