my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And then he peed in my hair
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