We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
