Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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