My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
