Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
