It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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