words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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