I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
