If i come over, it means nothing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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