she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize