party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
