So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
