Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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