Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
