She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
