Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
